


temporary fix

by cresswell



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, High School, Lucas is kind of a dick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-09 11:03:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7799236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cresswell/pseuds/cresswell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s grinning now, gearing up for the scheme. “We can’t just be <i>dating.</i> We need to be <i>madly in love.”</i><br/><br/>(The fake dating fic that no one asked for.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay so this was supposed to be a oneshot, but it's getting long and complex and i want to try making it multi-chapter?? this is new for me lmao i'm afraid i won't follow through. but hopefully i will. this is loosely based on The Fill-In Boyfriend by kasie west, but you can read it without having read that.

Lucas dumps her in the parking lot of their junior prom, and it is totally fine.

 _It’s totally fine. It is totally and completely fine._ Maya breathes in slowly through her nose, trying to resist the overwhelming urge to knock her boyfriend’s— _ex_ -boyfriend’s— teeth out. “Lucas,” she says quietly, interrupting whatever bullshit he’d been spewing, “shut the hell up.”

He does, his jaw clenching. They’re wedged between his beat-up pickup truck and some asshat’s Mercedes, and she’s at least grateful for the fact that he’d dumped her in relative privacy. She flexes her fingers and pops her neck, trying to work the anger and hurt out of her body. “Riley or Isadora?” She asks finally.

He blinks, obviously surprised by her question. “What?”

She puts her hands on her hips and gets up in his face. “Are you dumping me for Riley or Isadora?” When he doesn’t respond immediately, she rolls her eyes. “Come on, Lucas. You and I both know you always want the girl you can’t have. You broke up with Riley for me, and I’d bet my entire watercolor collection you’re breaking up with me for one of them. So which of my best friends is it? Riley or Smackle?”

His mouth is pressed in a hard line, and she knows she’s hit all his buttons, just like she’d wanted. “It’s not like that,” he says, but he can’t look her in the eye. “I just… things weren’t working out. It wouldn’t have been right of me to string you along.”

“You could’ve strung me along for four more hours until prom was over,” she hisses, feeling her anger flare. “You’ve got some nerve, making a big deal out of this stupid dance only to dump me before we even go inside.”

“I’m not happy, Maya!” He exclaims, throwing his hands out. “I don’t want to do this anymore. I _can’t_ do this anymore. I’m sorry I’m doing this here and now, but I had to.” He sighs. “Otherwise, I don’t think I’d have gathered up the courage to do it later.”

Now that he’s being genuine and sincere, she listens to him, and everything he’s saying makes her heart hurt. She feels her eyes start to tear up and turns sharply away so he won’t see. “Go.”

But Lucas sees anyway, because he knows her inside and out, and now she hates him for it. He touches her shoulder. “Maya—“

She yanks away from him. “Get away from me!”

He stares at her for a moment longer like he wants to say something, and she can’t decide if she wants him to take it all back or not. Before she can make the decision for him, he’s turning and walking away, leaving her alone in the parking lot.

She’d cry if she’d thought to wear waterproof mascara. Instead, she wipes away the few tears that had accidentally slipped out and smooths out the front of her dress. There is no way she’s going to miss her first prom because Lucas Friar broke her heart.

She straightens her shoulders and holds her head up high, doing that thing where she thinks murderous thoughts so she walks like a queen. She heads towards the school, swinging her hips, when a voice stops her. “Maya Hart?”

She turns, squinting in the dark for the voice. “Yes?” The person walks towards her and she feels her eyes widen. “ _Zay_?”

“Well I’ll be,” he says, and then he doesn’t have a chance to say anything else because Maya has launched herself into his arms and is bear-hugging him. “Oh, I almost forgot. The good ol’ attack hug.”

Maya’s grinning when she lets him go. “How was Texas? When did you get back?”

Zay grins back, shoving his hands deep in his pockets. “It was good. I got in last night, actually.”

“What’re you doing here?”

Zay frowns. “Lucas didn’t tell you? He invited me.”

Maya tries not to let the grin slip off her face, but Zay must notice something off in her expression, because he raises an eyebrow. “What?”

She squares her shoulders. _Just rip the bandaid off_. “We broke up.”

“ _What_?”

“Like, literally five minutes ago.”

“Aw, heck,” Zay says, and then he’s marching towards the school. “I get back after two years and already I gotta beat up my best friend.”

“Wait, what?” Maya runs to catch up with him, bunching her long dress in her hands. “No, you don’t.”

He looks at her like she’s crazy. “The hell you talking about? Of course I do. He pulled a real dick move.”

Maya puts a hand on his chest, and he immediately stops. “Look, I appreciate it, but you don’t have to defend my honor or whatever.”

“I’m not,” he says. “I’m defending my _friend_.”

Maya blinks, letting her hand fall from his chest. “Oh,” she says after a moment. “Well, um… thank you, but I don’t want you to get involved.”

“You don’t?”

“No. He’s your best friend. I’m not going to ruin that, no matter how mad I am at him.”

Zay gives her a crooked smile, one side of his mouth raising higher than the other. “You’re a good person, Maya Hart. Lucas is a real idiot.”

She rolls her eyes. “I know. And now _I_ feel like an idiot, because we made such a big deal about this prom and now I have to go stag.” She sighs, and then an idea comes to her, so big and sudden that she actually gasps.

Zay raises an eyebrow. “What?”

Maya chews on her lip, her heart racing. “Okay, this is really crazy and sudden, but would you go? With me? To prom?”

He just stares at her and she can feel herself slipping into babbling territory. “I mean, we’re both already here and we’d be hanging out anyway, right, and if I’m with you the whole time that’ll really get under Lucas’s skin, cause you’re his best friend and everything—“

“Sure.”

Maya frowns. “Really? Just like that?”

Zay shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Yeah. On one condition.”

Maya cringes. “What’s that?”

“You’ll owe me.”

He’s grinning in a way that makes her wary, but she just rolls her eyes and grips his hand in his. “Yeah, whatever. Come on, weirdo.”

 

* * *

 

Riley just about jumps out of her skin when she sees Zay, running at him at full speed to tackle-hug him. He manages to keep his footing, but just barely, and Maya moves out of the way just in time.

“Zay! Oh my god!” Riley squeals in his face, pressing a sloppy kiss to his cheek. “I can’t believe you’re really here!”

“How’ve you been, darlin’?” Zay asks, grinning just as widely as her. Maya notices that Riley’s feet are completely off the ground and Zay must be holding her up, and she finds it much more endearing than it should be. “Look at you! All dolled up in your princess dress.”

Riley leaps down gently and plays with her skirt almost shyly. “You like it? Maya helped tailor it.”

It’s not until then that Riley’s gaze actually shifts to Maya, standing at Zay’s side. She looks back and forth between them, and Maya can actually _see_ the moment she puts it together because her eyes widen and her mouth drops into an _O_. “Maya! Wait, what?”

“Long story,” Maya sighs, slipping her arm through Zay’s. “Lucas dumped me as soon as we got here, so Zay is my new date.” Turning to Zay, she asks, “We’re gonna get drunk. You good with that?”

“Hell yeah!” Zay lifts his arm and she twirls under it, giggling as they head to the dance floor. Riley calls after them in confusion, but her voice is drowned out by the music, and right now Maya just wants to dance and forget about Lucas and their friends.

Zay dances like an idiot, but he also dances with such determination and ferocity that Maya doubles over laughing, having a hard time breathing. “Put that away!” She exclaims, watching as he does a weirdly emblazoned version of the sprinkler.

“You invited me to a dance, so I’m gonna dance!” He replies, having to shout just to be heard. She shrugs and closes her eyes, pretending she’s not at a high school prom but instead at a concert in a swank club, having the time of her life.

At some point— she’s not sure how much later— the music shifts into songs that are slow and dreamy, and Maya and Zay stop their ridiculous dancing, both sweaty and out of breath. Zay opens his mouth and extends his hand, but before he can ask her to dance, she holds up a hand. “Don’t even think about it,” she warns. Leaning closer so that only he can hear, she adds, “Remember how I mentioned we’d be getting drunk?”

His eyes light up, and she grabs his hand, leading him through all the swaying couples. As she tugs him towards the bathrooms, she and Lucas make eye contact, and she grips Zay’s hand tighter. She will not let this surprisingly okay night be ruined even more by Lucas freaking Friar.

She takes them into the guys’ bathroom and, seeing it’s empty, locks the main door behind them. Zay raises an eyebrow. “Uh, what’re you doing?”

She reaches into the top of her dress instead of answering, feeling around until she wraps her fingers around a small flask. “Aha!” She displays it with a flourish, popping off the top and taking a swig. “Oh, god. This is awful. I love it.”

“Well spread it around, Hart,” Zay says, plucking it from her grasp. He takes a swig too and looks like he wants to spit it out, but he soldiers through it, even taking another small sip before passing it back. “I don’t think the devil himself could even enjoy that.”

She snorts, shaking her head. “I see your weird Texas lingo has come back full force.”

“Of course. I had to readjust when I went home.”

“Yeah, how was it, anyway?”

Zay sighs and furrows his eyebrows. “I mean, it was fine. It was kinda weird. The last time I was home, my parents were together. And then with the divorce and the custody working out the way it did… it was just weird, that’s all.”

Maya nods, patting his leg. “Well, I’m glad you’re back.” She pauses, wrinkling her eyebrows. “How’d you manage to come back, anyways?”

Zay grins. “Well, you know my mom got sole custody,” he says, and Maya nods. “And she still lived in Texas, so I had to go live with her there. But I turned seventeen about a month ago, meaning I could choose which parent I wanted to stay with.” He shrugs. “I love my mom a whole lot, but my life was here.” He smiles down at Maya. “So I moved back in with my dad.”

Maya presses her cheek against his shoulder. “Well, the situation sounds like it sucks, but I’m really glad you’re back.”

Zay knocks his knee into hers. “I’m glad, too.”

 

* * *

 

She wakes up the next morning nestled in a piled of pillows and blankets on Farkle’s floor. Sunlight is streaming through his huge windows and she groans, rolling over to press her face into a pillow and try to go back to sleep. But she hears the distinct sound of Riley laughing somewhere in the house, and it makes her want to find her best friend.

When she stands, she’s unsteady, her head hurting a little from the flask she and Zay had shared the night before. Squinting, she takes in her surroundings: Farkle’s bedroom. His bed unmade. Riley’s purse slung over his desk chair. Smackle’s shoes kicked off near the door. She sees no sign of Lucas, so she can breathe.

She slips into one of Farkle’s sweatshirts before heading down, the sound of Riley’s voice growing louder. Just before she reaches the bottom step, she sees Riley giggling, leaning into a familiar set of biceps.

Lucas.

Maya has just enough time to arrange her face into a blank expression before either of them see her, and once Riley catches her eye, she practically leaps back. “Maya!” She says, her voice too high. “Good morning.”

“Morning.” Maya shuffles over to the island in the kitchen and slumps down on a stool. “Food?”

Riley slides a plate of chocolate chip pancakes over wordlessly, and Maya tells her how much she loves her around mouthfuls. It’s a little easier to avoid looking at Lucas when there’s pancakes.

Riley’s watching her carefully, afraid she’ll snap at any moment. “Maya,” she says gently, touching her arm. “How are—“

“Where’s Zay?” Maya interrupts, a smear of chocolate on her chin. She swallows. “You know. My prom date.”

Lucas’s face hardens and she ignores him. Riley gives her a funny look. “Um, yeah, of course I know Zay. He’s in the shower.”

Maya just nods, taking a long sip from the glass of milk Riley had placed in front of her so she doesn’t have to say anything. This is not good. She knows Riley will try to make them _talk_ to each other, and that’s the last thing she wants to do, especially since she and Zay are totally BS-ing everything. Nonetheless, it seems to bother Lucas, which Maya finds ironic since _he’s_ the one who broke up with _her_.

She hears footfalls on the stairs and turns to see Zay’s legs. When his face appears, he catches her eye, and there must be something totally helpless or pleading on her face, because he gives her a winning smile and says, “Mornin’, beautiful.”

She tries to snap her jaw shut as he walks over and presses a kiss to her cheek, acting completely at ease, like they do this all the time. Riley’s face is comical. “Oh, you two—?”

“We don’t wanna label it,” Zay says smoothly, setting his hand on the back of Maya’s chair. “We had such a good time last night, though. We’re just having fun.” He winks at Lucas. “You know how it is.”

There is no way Maya can keep her jaw from dropping now. She never knew Zay could be so— so cruel in such a charming way. It must be a Southern thing.

Riley recovers first, giving them a bright smile. “Well, that’s cool! It’s so good to have you back, Zay.” She seems very cool and calm about the whole thing, but she gives Maya a wild-eyed look that says _WE’RE TOTALLY TALKING ABOUT THIS LATER_.

Zay takes Maya’s fork and steals a bite of her pancakes. “Good to be back. Where’s Farkle and Smackle?”

It seems Lucas has recovered enough to speak now, because he’s the one who answers. “He’s dropping her off at her house. She has to study for a test.”

Zay frowns. “Study? It’s Saturday morning.”

“I know.”

Zay just shrugs and swings himself into the seat next to Maya. “Whatever. Hey, Riles, are there any more of these pancakes? I don’t wanna eat all Maya’s.”

“I can make you some right now!” She’s so falsely cheery that it makes Maya wince. She heads over to the stove, Lucas hot on her heels, and once they’re out of earshot, Maya grabs Zay’s shirtfront and yanks his face close to hers. “What the hell?”

“Calm down,” Zay says, keeping his voice low. “You just looked so miserable, I had to intervene.”

“I already told you I don’t need your help.”

“Why not? They already think we were went as a date last night. Think about it, Maya. This is the perfect way to get back at Lucas.”

She glares at him. “You really think I’m that petty?”

“No, I really think you’re that angry and hurt, and rightfully so. Look, if you don’t wanna, I’ll tell ‘em right now that we were just messing with them. But I’m kinda mad at him too, to be honest, for what he did to you.” He looks so sincere. “I’m in if you are.”

Maya bites her lip, turning to glance at Lucas. As she watches, he flicks flour at Riley, and she squeals and swats at him.

Her heart turns hard again.

“Okay,” she says. “I’m in.”

 

* * *

 

When Maya sits down at their lunch table on Monday, she knows something’s off. The atmosphere feels different, more fragile, and she wonders if it’s because of her and Lucas or her and Zay. Either way she looks at it, it’s at least partly her fault.

She sits by Riley, like always, and Lucas, who usually sits on her other side, sits by Riley today. Maya pretends she doesn’t care. She has a new pretend-boyfriend, anyway. She glues herself to her phone, hoping no one will try to rope her into conversation.

She doesn’t even notice there’d been an empty seat by her until Zay is sitting in it, immediately throwing his arm around her shoulder. “Hey there, pretty lady,” he says, and the smile Maya gives when he kisses her cheek isn’t all that fake. “Mind if I join ya?”

“Please.” She scoots down the bench a little so that he has more room, and then she’s close enough to Riley to overhear what she’s talking about, no matter how much she doesn’t want to.

“…Charlie’s really great. Wasn’t he so fun at prom? I was sad he couldn’t come over to Farkle’s after, but his parents are really strict.”

Farkle says something about how it’s no big deal and they can all hang out another time, but Maya notices how Lucas’s face turns hard. She blinks. _So it’s Riley. Of course it’s Riley._

 _It’s_ always _been Riley_.

“So listen, I was thinkin’,” Zay says, startling her back into focus. “You know how you owe me for that thing?”

He gives her a pointed look as if she could forget, and she rolls her eyes. “Yes, Zay.”

“Well, now that I’m back in New York, my dad’s family wants to have a little get-together to welcome me back. You should come.” He gives her another pointed look. “They’ll want to meet my girlfriend.”

Maya nods. Okay, so he wants her to come hang out with his family for a few hours to convince them he’s not a loser without a girlfriend. That’s not so bad. She’d do that anyway.

“Girlfriend?”

Lucas is looking straight at her, cutting off whatever conversation Riley and Smackle had been having across the table. All their eyes swivel to her and she pulls herself to her full height, raising her chin. “It’s none of your business.”

Lucas raises his hands defensively in the way that guys do when they don’t want to be called out for their shit. “I’m not trying to make it my business. I just heard you guys talking about it, that’s all.”

Maya gives him an icy smile. “Well, try not to eavesdrop next time.”

There’s a stretch of silence until Smackle breaks it, saying, “Did you know that camels can run as fast as sixty kilometers per hour?”

Maya blinks at her. “No, Smackle, I did not.”

Smackle nods solemnly. “Although their speed is hindered significantly when they have to carry people or objects on their backs. Did you know—“

“Smackle,” Farkle interrupts gently, “not now.”

“No, go ahead, Smackle,” Maya says, standing up and swinging her bag over her shoulder. “I was just leaving.”

Riley’s hand grasps at her wrist, but she dodges. “Peaches, wait—“

“See you in fifth,” Maya calls over her shoulder, hurrying away. She makes it all the way to the hall when Lucas catches up to her, and her heart does that funny flip-flopping thing it always does when she sees him. “What do you want?”

Lucas crosses his arms. “Why are you being like this?”

Maya’s stunned that he would lead with that— that he would say that at _all_ , honestly, and once she gets over her surprise, she feels angry. “Being like what, exactly?”

He gives her a look. “You know what. Dramatic and sensitive and—“

“Oh,” Maya laughs, her voice carrying a little too loudly. “I’m being too _sensitive_ , am I?”

“I’m just saying I thought you would be more mature about this—“

“You don’t get to say jack shit about how I react,” she seethes, getting up in his face. “Especially not how I react to the shit _you_ pulled. You made your choice, you get to deal with the consequences.”

She pushes him away from her and storms down the hall, wishing there was something she could punch nearby without fracturing a finger. Apparently, Lucas can’t take a hint, because a moment later he’s trailing after her again. “I just don’t get it, because you’re already with Zay.” Maya’s jaw tenses, and she prays for both their sakes that he’s not in swinging range. “Also, don’t you think that happened kind of… fast?”

She whirls on him, all her energy clenched in her hands, hoping he steps in her range. “Fast like you flirting with my best friend twelve hours after breaking up with me?”

Lucas’s face is impassive, and she’s not sure she’s going to be able to suppress the tears this time. “Maya, I—“

“No.” She wipes her hand over her face in anger and shame. “Just stop. Just shut up. You don’t get to make comments on my love life once you’ve removed yourself from it. It’s gross and inappropriate and hypocritical. And you don’t get to be upset when I don’t handle things the way you want me to.” She levels her gaze at him. “I’m not your girlfriend anymore, Lucas. You made sure of that.”

This time when she leaves, he doesn’t follow, and she doesn’t know whether she’s relieved or upset.

 

* * *

 

Zay comes over to her place after school, somehow knowing she’s hurting, and she wordlessly lets him in.

“You know, Lucas is my best friend,” Zay says, already gesticulating wildly. “I love him more than anything. Well, almost anything. Not you and Riley and Smackle. But he’s different now. I don’t know how my best friend is the same person who can treat you like this.”

He’s mad, Maya realizes, and she’s touched that he’s feeling angry on her behalf. “It doesn’t matter,” she says, wanting to comfort him. “In ten years I’ll hardly remember his name.”

“But right now you do,” Zay says emphatically, walking towards her. “Right now it hurts. Right now it matters.”

Maya bites her lip and nods, not sure that she can talk without crying. Zay must see it in her face because he makes a sad sound in his throat and pulls her into a hug, tucking her head beneath his chin.

“If it were anyone else hurting you,” he says, his voice rumbling in his chest, “I would beat them up. Or threaten them, or something.”

“But it’s Lucas,” Maya says.

He nods above her. “Yeah. It’s Lucas.” He grips her shoulders and holds her out at arm’s length so he can look into her eyes. “Which means we have to get creative.”

There’s a glint in his eyes that Maya usually associates with middle-school Lucas and bruised knuckles and good intentions, and it makes her wary. “What do you mean?”

“We’re already dating,” Zay replies, making air quotes around the word. “That’s gotta sting. But now I’m not just in it for you. I’m in it for Lucas.”

“A common enemy,” Maya adds, and Zay nods. “We need to kick it up a notch.”

“Or two.” He’s grinning now, gearing up for the scheme. “We can’t just be _dating_. We need to be _madly in love_.”

“We need to be unable to keep our hands off each other,” Maya says, growing excited with all the planning. “Add some salt to the wound.”

“So much PDA he gets sick of it.”

“Lots of selfies on Instagram.”

“Wearing each other’s clothes.”

“Lots of—“ Maya cuts off abruptly, suddenly hesitant. “Lots of kissing?”

Zay blinks once, twice, and then nods. “Yeah, of course. It has to seem real, right?”

“Yeah. Should we set some ground rules, though? Hand holding and cuddling are totally fair game, of course.”

“Sure. Only kissing in front of him, obviously.”

Maya nods. “We have to make sure Riley and Farkle and Isadora believe it, too.”

“They will,” Zay assures her, smiling almost wickedly. “We’ll make sure they do.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter starts off with quite a bang. you're welcome.

Maya and Zay are sitting cross-legged on her bed, facing each other. His bag is thrown haphazardly on her desk and she has clothes scattered all over the floor, but they only look at each other, the intensity of the moment palpable between them.

"So," Zay says, breaking the silence. " _Kissing_."

"Yeah. Kissing," Maya agrees. A moment later, a thought occurs to her. "Wait, you _have_ kissed someone before, right?"

He rolls his eyes like it's a ridiculous question, and it kind of is. "Duh."

"Okay. Just making sure. It'd be wrong of me to take your first kiss from you like this."

He levels her with a look that is half exasperated and half fond. "Maya, please. Kissing you will hardly be the burden you think it'll be."

Her cheeks grow warm, but if Zay notices, he lets her get away with it without commenting. She picks at her threadbare sheets. "You sure you wanna practice? We don't have to, if it'll be weird."

Zay shrugs. "Sure it'll be weird, but it'd be weird no matter what. Besides, we don't want our first kiss in front of an audience to be awkward. We need them to think we've been doing this for a while."

She nods. "That makes sense." She's all business, determined not to make this weirder than it has to be. "Okay, we've talked about ground rules, right?"

"Only kiss in front of Lucas," Zay rattles off. "No tongue. No groping."

Maya worries at her bottom lip, suddenly afraid of the moment now that it's staring her in the face. It's silly of her to feel scared. She thinks she trusts Zay with this more than she would trust anyone. Zay would never push her, or break her rules, or break her heart. And yet there's a deep feeling of anxiety working its way through her body, and she wishes she knew _why_.

"Any hand placement rules?" Zay asks, pulling her out of her head.

"Um." Maya thinks about it for a moment, but she's too on edge to form a coherent thought. "Just do whatever feels natural."

"Gotcha." He scoots closer on her bed, the mattress shifting beneath them, and suddenly he is very close and the reality of what they're about to do hits Maya like a bullet. Zay must be watching her face closely, because he raises an eyebrow and asks "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she says, and she is. She can do this. She trusts Zay, she knows Zay, and she knows kissing has never been a problem for her. And this isn't even _real_ , so it doesn't even matter. She claps her hands together once. "Let's do this."

Zay laughs, like her sudden burst of bravery is endearing to him, and then she's not sure which of them leads forward first but suddenly they're kissing. It's a bit messy at first, a little off-center and unsure, but once they adjust it's nice. It's _very_ nice. Maya is sort of worried about how nice she thinks it is.

She can't remember ever thinking kissing Lucas was _nice_.

She leans back, her bottom lip slipping out from between both of Zay's, and when she opens her eyes she sees he sort of followed her as she pulled back, leaning into her space. He opens his eyes a beat later, and Maya tries to gage what he's thinking, but she can't.

"So that was nice," she says. _Why can't she stop calling it nice?_

"It was," Zay agrees, and Maya's glad to hear they're on the same page. "Should we, um—" he stops to clear his throat and avert his eyes, for the first time showing signs of uncertainty. "Should we try again?"

Maya's heartbeat is suddenly very present in her ears. "Sure, if you want to."

"If _you_ want to," he returns and she rolls her eyes. She reaches out and pulls him in with a hand on the back of his neck, their lips meeting much easier this time. He sucks in a breath before kissing her with determination, tilting his head to get a better angle. He slides his hand along her waist, gripping her hip, but then he leans forward too far and totters, losing his balance. He braces his hand on the mattress beside Maya so she's more or less bracketed between him and the bed, and she slides her hand along his jaw, parting his mouth. She can feel how her eyebrows are furrowed, like she's worried about what she's doing as she's doing it, but she can't make herself pull her hand back from where it's knotted in the front of his shirt, and she doesn't have time to stop herself from biting down on his bottom lip.

His breath catches, his mouth stuttering against hers, and she thinks he's about to pull away when he starts kissing her harder, pressing her more firmly into the bed. They're both teetering on the edge of breaking the rules, but she honest to god does not care, and she grips and pulls at his shoulders, wanting. Wanting more, wanting this, wanting him— they both want more, she can tell by the tension in his back and the way his kisses are getting more heated, pressing against her lips in an almost bruising way. _Fuck the rules_ , she thinks, getting lost in the feel of his mouth against hers. _What the hell were we thinking—_

The door to Maya's bedroom swings open and she and Zay practically throw themselves apart, her hands pushing on his shoulders instead of pulling. He falls off of her bed with a startled yelp, hitting the floor with a thud, and Maya immediately leans over the side of her bed to check on him. "Oh my god, Zay, are you alright?"

Before he can answer, Katy clears her throat from the doorway. Maya turns to look at her, staring blankly. "You're home," she says stupidly.

"Yes. I am." Her mother is hard to read like this, her voice calm but her lips pressed into a thin line. "I got the evening off. Maya, may I speak to you in the hall?"

Ah. So she's in trouble. Maya casts one more apologetic at Zay's wincing form and follows her mom out of the room, shutting the door behind her. As soon as she turns around, Katy is looking at her imploringly, her hands on her hips. "Who is that boy?"

"Zay, remember? My friend from middle school."

If anything, this just makes the thin line of her mom's lips even thinner. "What is he doing in your bed?"

Maya just stares. Her mother's never cared about who she brought home or who she kissed, so what's the big deal now? "We were just hanging out."

"Is that what we're calling it these days?"

"Mom!" Maya exclaims, feeling scandalized.

"I'm sorry, Maya, I'm just having a hard time understanding why you have a boy in your bed who is not your boyfriend!" She lowers her voice into a whisper. "And who happens to be said boyfriend's best friend!"

Everything makes sense now, and Maya lets out a small laugh. "Mom, Lucas and I broke up, like, a week ago."

Katy blinks. Clearly, she hadn't expected this. "Wait, what?"

"Yeah. The night of prom."

Her mom is visibly deflating now, and Maya would much rather have her mother's misplaced anger than her pity. "Oh, baby."

Maya just shrugs, like she's over it. Because she is; she has to be. "It's fine. I'm fine." She considers telling her mom about her and Zay's plan, but she probably wouldn't believe her, considering what she'd just witnessed.

Thinking about it makes her blush, and her mother, as though reading her mind, says, "Fine, he can stay over. But you better keep your door open at all times."

Maya groans. "Okay, Mom."

When they go back into Maya's room, Zay is perched on the edge of her bed, his back ramrod straight and his hands clasped in his lap. Maya wants desperately to giggle at the scene, but she doesn't want to make Zay more embarrassed than he already is.

As soon as he sees them, he stands up, his hands clasped behind his back. Maya is half convinced he's going to bow. "Ma'am, I—"

"It's alright." Katy waves her hand dismissively. "I understand. One thing leads to another."

She has almost a wicked grin on her face, and Maya blushes harder. She wants to die. That's her _mother_ saying those things!

"Um, yes," Zay says awkwardly, clearly not having expected to be forgiven so easily. His eyes flit to Maya, who just shrugs. "Um, you have a lovely home."

May just rolls her eyes, but her mother seems flattered, smiling warmly at Zay. "Thank you, Zay. Would you like to stay for dinner?"

Maya's got her whole face in her palm now, her cheeks burning with embarrassment, but she doesn't miss the way Zay smiles brightly when he says "Of course."

 

* * *

 

 

The next few days, Maya has an excuse to be absent from their lunch table, because she has a physics test coming up and needs all the tutoring she can get. Usually Lucas would tutor her, but— well.

She tells herself she's not avoiding her friends, but every time she sinks into her seat in the classroom during lunch instead of her seat at the lunch table, she can breathe a sigh of relief. She doesn't know what it is, but she thinks maybe she just needs some space from everyone. Not just Lucas. They're all so intertwined with each other that a part of Lucas would be present no matter who she was hanging out with.

And even though she doesn't want to admit it, she thinks maybe she needs some space away from Zay. She'd been avoiding him just like she'd been avoiding everyone else, and thankfully, she thinks he's been keeping up appearances, but she knows she can't avoid him forever. Not if they want to convince Lucas. Not if they want this to be _real_.

She blinks, the words on her physics worksheet swimming in her vision. It's not real, or at least it's not supposed to be. This whole thing is a show.

So what the _hell_ happened in her bedroom a few days ago?

She's saved from trying to come up with an explanation by a hand appearing on the corner of her desk. Her gaze tracks the hand to the arm to Zay's smiling face, and her cheeks immediately turn warm, as though she'd been caught doing something illicit. Well, she kind of _had_.

"Howdy, Maya," Zay says, his accent heavy and thick, and Maya rolls her eyes. "Mind if I join you?"

"Zay, I'm studying."

"I know." He swings himself into the desk beside her, stretching his arms high above his head. She tries not to notice the way his biceps move beneath his sleeves. "I can help."

Maya feels her eyebrows disappear into her hairline. "You're good at physics?"

He shrugs. "Sure. I like science. You can say no, of course, but I can help if you want."

Maya bites her lip. She doesn't know how much she should be around him after what had happened a few days ago.  _It's just my body_ , she tells herself. _My body reacts to his_.

Her body reacts to lots of people. She tells herself it's the same.

She knows that, most of all, she's in no position to be turning down academic help. After a long pause, she gives Zay a slight nod. "Okay, I guess. But if I get too stupid for you, don't be afraid to—"

"You're not stupid," Zay cuts in, arching an eyebrow at her. "Maybe you think you are, but everyone else knows better." 

She blinks, watching him unpack his backpack like he doesn't have a care in the world. "Thanks."

He just shrugs again, giving her an easy smile. "No problem. Like I said, I like science."

She doesn't know how to say she was thanking him for the compliment, so she doesn't say anything.

Zay continues, "Besides, it'll look good for us to spend some time together, huh?"

"Right." Maya nods. "Yeah."

He turns in his desk to face her, their knees bumping and pressing together, and Maya jumps at the sudden contact. Zay flashes her an apologetic grin. "My bad. Oh!" He flings his hands up, suddenly remembering something. "Remember that get-together with my family I mentioned?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, are you free on Saturday? 'Cause that's when my dad and grandparents want to do it."

Maya racks her brain, trying to remember if she and Riley had scheduled something, or if her mom needed her to help out with chores. "Saturday works."

Zay lights up in a way that's contagious, his smile spreading to Maya's face. "Great! Then it's a date."

Maya's eyebrows shoot up, and for once, Zay looks mildly embarrassed. "I mean, not a _date_ dat—"

"No, I know," Maya says, cutting him off and effectively saving him from himself. "But you _are_ picking me up."

"I was planning to anyway." He knocks her knee with his own before reaching onto her desk and flipping her textbook open. "Alright. Let's get to work."


	3. Chapter 3

Saturday morning, Riley wakes Maya up with a phone call at 9 A.M. Understandably, Maya is less than enthused.

"Are you alright?" She mumbles into the phone, her voice heavy with sleep.

"Yeah, I'm great!"

"Then why the _hell,"_ Maya seethes, grounding her teeth, "are you waking me up at 9 on a Saturday?"

Riley huffs. "Because Zay is picking you up in less than three hours and you need to get ready!"

"It doesn't take me three hours to get ready, Riley," Maya says. Then, processing what else she'd said, she pulls the phone away from her ear and squints at it. "Wait, how do you know about that? We literally planned it, like, three days ago."

"Zay told me," Riley says simply, and for the thousandth time, Maya is thankful that Zay is so good at the whole fake-relationship thing, because she sure isn't. "Why didn't _you_ tell me?"

Riley sounds hurt, and immediately Maya feels bad. "It just didn't seem like a big deal."

"Of course it's a big deal!" Riley says shrilly. "You're meeting the parents!"

"One parent," Maya corrects absently. "And I've met his parents before."

"But it's _different_ now."

Maya supposes that's technically true. For everyone but her and Zay, it _is_ different.

Riley must take her prolonged silence as a sign that she's having an existential crisis, because she says "Okay, I'm coming over."

Maya sits up in bed. "What? Now?"

"Yeah. You clearly need my help to prepare for this."

"I'm perfectly capable on my own," Maya replies, a hardness edging into her voice. She knows this is Riley's way of showing she cares, but she also knows it makes her feel suffocated. "But if you must come over, bring breakfast."

"Already planning on it."

 

* * *

 

Riley is true to her word, and half an hour later she's standing on Maya's porch with a bag of bagels in one hand and a coffee carrier in the other.

"I love you," Maya says, trailing behind Riley and the delicious scent of coffee as she enters the apartment. "I love you so much."

"Remember that in twenty minutes when you're complaining about the outfit I pick out for you."

Maya doesn't even care, not when there's fresh breakfast in front of her, and she sits at the table and immediately slathers a bagel with cream cheese. She's so wrapped up in food and fresh coffee that it takes her a moment to notice the look Riley's giving her. "What?" She asks around a mouthful of bagel.

"How did it happen?" Riley asks. "You and Zay?"

Maya chokes while taking a sip of coffee and it burns her tongue, dribbling down her chin. Wordlessly, Riley offers her a napkin, but then she goes back to looking at her, waiting for an answer. Maya tries not to panic, but it's hard when she and Zay had never made up stories that lined up. She mulls over her response for a few moments, praying she isn't negating anything Zay had made up.

"Well, Lucas dumped me," Maya says matter-of-factly. That much is true. "And Zay arrived and... saw the whole thing. Emotions were high and he was _there_ and... things happened. You know how it is."

She tries to say it like it's no big deal, because if it were true, it wouldn't be. Riley frowns in her direction. "Are you sure it's okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean it happened so fast. I'm not judging you for that, or anything. I just want to be sure it's okay. _You're_ okay."

"Aw, Riles." Maya places her hand on top of Riley's. "Of course I'm okay. I'm super happy. And now I only have _two_ hours to get ready, so you better start working your magic."

Riley shrieks in alarm when she realizes the time, and Maya laughs and lets herself be dragged down the hallway to her bedroom. Between the two of them, Riley is more fashion and beauty oriented. Maya has a good sense of style too, of course-- at least she thinks she does-- but clothes and makeup seem to be almost therapeutic to Riley, and so Maya lets her dress her up and make her over as much as she wants.

"I'm thinking a nice skirt and sweater combo," Riley tells her as she curls her hair. "What do you think?"

"I think I've never worn a skirt and sweater combo in my life."

"Well, there's a first time for everything." Riley moves the curling iron slowly and with precision, turning Maya's hair into spun gold. "Are you nervous?"

"What?" Maya arches her eyebrow.

"You're meeting the boyfriend's family in a romantic context! That's got to be nerve-wracking."

 _Oh. Right._ "To be honest, I guess I am a little nervous. I don't know. I just want to be, like, the perfect girlfriend." What she doesn't say is that she wants to be the perfect girlfriend because she's faking it to make Zay look like less of a loser to his family.

"You will be!" Riley finishes on her hair and sets down the curling iron, using her hands to fluff out Maya's curls. "They're going to love you."

That much Maya is sure of. She'd met Zay's dad before-- both of his parents, actually, back when they'd still been married. Zay had had the idea to throw Lucas a surprise party, and they threw it at Zay's apartment in New York. Both his parents were there. Zay's dad had originally moved for his job, and then their marriage fell apart, and Zay's dad stayed. Zay had gone to live with his mom, and it had nearly broke Maya's heart.

But he's back now. And reintroducing Maya to his family as his _girlfriend_.

"Zay will be here in an hour," Maya says, checking the time. "Chop chop."

"You can't rush perfection!" Riley shrieks. Maya laughs.

The next hour is a blur of hangers and fabrics and Riley's hands tugging shirts over Maya's head and then back off again. Maya zones out during most of it, letting Riley do her thing, and soon enough Zay is knocking on her door.

"Just a second," Riley insists, deftly arranging a necklace around her best friend's neck. "I'm almost done."

"Riles," Maya says gently, pulling Riley's fingers off of her, "you did a great job. Thank you."

And it's true. Maya looks like grade A girlfriend material, like the model you would see on the cover of a pamphlet about healthy relationships and abstinence. They'd gone with a skirt and sweater combo after all-- which Maya hadn't even known she'd owned-- and the blue of the skirt brings out Maya's eyes.

She hopes Zay's family likes it. She hopes _Zay_ likes it.

 _It doesn't matter,_ she reminds herself, walking down the hall to let him in. _None of this is real_.

No matter what she tells herself, she can't help the way her breath catches when she takes in the sight of him on her front porch: he's wearing khakis, and a dress shirt with a nice jacket thrown over it. He looks all at once haphazard and held-together, a wonderful conglomeration of contradictions. It also probably helps that his face lights up when he sees her. "Maya!"

She drags her gaze up to his face, hoping he hadn't caught her... what? Checking him out? "Hi. Right on time."

"Yeah, well, I want to get this over with," he tells her with a roll of his eyes. He's about to say more, but then Riley's prancing down the hall, and Maya has to shut him up. "I hope they think--"

She tugs him forward by the front of his jacket, pressing her mouth gently to his. He sucks in a breath, taking a moment to catch onto what's happening, but then he covers her hands with his own and kisses her back, his lips soft and sweet. This kiss is nothing like either of the first. It's not awkward and uncomfortable, and it's not messy and desperate. It's soft and chaste and it makes Maya feel pleasantly warm all over.

She almost forgets why she'd kissed him in the first place when Riley's voice comes from a foot or so behind them. "Hi, Zay!"

Maya lets go of Zay's jacket and he steps back, giving Riley a winning smile. "Hey, darlin'. You help Maya get ready?"

"Yep!"

"Well," Zay says, his eyes wandering over Maya's body, "you did a great job."

Maya knows it's an act-- she does, she swears she does-- but her knees go weak nonetheless. He's too good at this. She's going to get confused and spontaneously combust.

Riley bats the compliment away while Maya preens under the attention. "I just enhanced her natural beauty." She tugs at one of Maya's curls for emphasis, and when she lets it go, it bounces back into place. "But don't you need to go?"

Zay checks his phone. "Aw, shoot, we do. I'd invite you to come, too, but--"

"No!" Riley exclaims. "It's a boyfriend-girlfriend thing."

Zay turns his smile to Maya, tugging her close with an arm around her waist. "That it most certainly is."

She thinks that if she wasn't leaning against him she'd collapse in a puddle on the ground.

They wave goodbye to Riley, and Zay lets go of her once the door is shut. Maya feels cold without his touch, like the fact that he pulled away so quickly sucked all the warmth out of her. "We're taking the subway," Zay informs her, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "You don't mind, right?"

"Of course not. I ride the subway all the time."

And she does. And she tries not to think about that time so many years ago when she and Riley rode the subway and Riley fell into a certain boy's lap and Maya felt her heart grow so large she thought it would burst. She tries not to think about the way Lucas had smiled at her the first time he laid eyes on her, and she tries not to think about how long she'd spent trying to stamp her feelings for him out. If she'd known he'd be this much trouble, she wouldn't have wasted her time.

_Would she?_

 

* * *

 

"A few things," Zay says as they exit the subway, spilling out onto the platform. "My grandmother's not quite all there."

"Okay," Maya says easily. Her own grandmother has some brain damage, so she's not bothered by it in the least.

He gently takes her elbow, steering her through the throng of people and to the stairs, and if it were anyone else, Maya would bite their head off. "She might... say some things."

"What kind of things?"

"There was this girl," he replies, "before she met my grandpa. Grams loved her a lot, and I guess she never really got over her, because every time I bring a girl home she says they look like her childhood sweetheart."

"Every time you bring a girl home?" Maya says dryly, arching an eyebrow. "And how often is that?"

He casts her a sidelong look, a grin threatening his lips. "More often than you might think."

"Okay, Casanova." Maya tugs her sweater tighter around her, shivering in the brisk wind. "Well, don't worry about it. I don't mind. It sounds sweet, if nothing else."

"It is." Zay notices the way her hands are tucked beneath her arms for warmth, and he pauses on the busy sidewalk to shrug his nice jacket off. "Here."

Maya stares at it like it's grown a head. "What?"

He shakes it for emphasis and looks at her like she's being dumb. "Take my jacket."

" _Why?_ "

He rolls his eyes. "Don't play dumb. You dated Lucas, and I know for a fact he pulled this move on you at least three times."

She glares at him. "You're not really my boyfriend, you know. You don't have to be all chivalrous and shit."

"I'm not! My friend is cold and I want her to be warm."

He looks so earnest about it that Maya hesitates. She _is_ cold, and normally she would accept-- she wears Farkle's jackets all the time-- but lately she's been getting confused. With the kissing and the flirting, she's not sure how much more she can handle before she goes nuts. "I'm fine," she lies.

"You're not," he retorts, but he doesn't force her.

_Lucas would have._

She banishes all thoughts of Lucas from her head and focuses on Zay's long strides beside her and the way the pavement disappears beneath their feet. New York is busy and bright around them, and she sticks close to Zay's side as he navigates through the crowd, heading to his family's apartment.

They trudge up the stairs to the front door, and Zay pulls his hand out of his pocket long enough to knock. At the last second, he turns to Maya and winces. "I'm really sorry about this."

She blinks, bewildered. "What?"

He doesn't get to answer, because the door swings open and Mr. Babineaux throws his arms out in welcome. "Maya! Hello!"

Maya had prepped on how to be the perfect girlfriend, and now that the moment of truth is here, she turns on the charm. "Hello, sir. It's so nice to see you again." She extends her hand for a handshake, but he bats her arm away and pulls her into a hug instead.

She makes a surprised sound, her arms stiff at her sides. She'd forgotten what it felt like to be hugged by a father.

"Alright, dad," Zay says from behind her, sounding embarrassed. "Don't crush my girlfriend."

Mr. Babineaux chuckles and lets Maya go, instead holding her at arms length. "You've gotten so big! You're all grown up."

"Nearly there," Maya replies.

"I'm so glad Zay finally brought you over," Mr. Babineaux continues. "You know, we've been saying for a while now that he should just square up and ask you on a date."

Maya physically reacts, leaning away slightly. "W-What?"

"Well, we've always liked you," Zay's dad says as he ushers them inside. "And then when things got messy with his girlfriend in Texas, we thought--"

"Dad," Zay cuts in, his voice harder than Maya's ever heard it. "That's enough."

They share a look that Maya can't understand, and she rubs the hem of her skirt between her thumb and forefinger anxiously. She'd been prepared to play the Nice Girlfriend role, but she hadn't known that the role already had her name on it.

"Isaiah, how about you give Maya the tour?" Mr. Babineaux takes Maya's bag and hangs it on the coatrack. "It's been a while since she's been here."

"Yeah, sure." Zay starts down the hallway, motioning over his shoulder for Maya to follow. "That's the foyer, and the kitchen's right next to it. Here's the dining room," Zay says as they pass a small but well-decorated room full of mahogany. "My dad's room is there, and Gram and Gramp's room is across the hall, and here's my room."

He pushes open the door for her and she enters almost hesitantly, unsure of what she'll find. His bed is low to the ground, unmade, with a few books teetering on the edge. There's papers taped up on the walls, some of sketches and some with words, and Maya's gaze trails over to his desk. It's cluttered with charcoal pencils and drawing papers, and she feels her heart stutter in her chest. "You draw?"

She walks across the room to his desk before he can stop her, and when she looks over her shoulder at him, he's rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. "Kinda. Not very well."

She touches the edge of the nearest paper, leaning closer to get a better look. They all seem to be architectural designs, some of roads, some of homes, some of palaces. She feels like she can't look away. "Zay, this is incredible."

"It's just a hobby," he says, his voice much closer now. "It's nice. Methodical. Formulaic, almost."

"I wouldn't know." Maya finally tears her gaze away, turning to smile up at him. "I draw portraits sometimes, but mostly I paint."

He smiles back. "I know." _Of course he knows_.

She feels her pulse quickening, but before she can pass out or do something stupid like gaze at his lips, she changes the subject. "Why didn't you tell me your dad wanted us to date?"

"Because it's weird? And it's not something you tell your friend."

Maya's about to retort, but before she can, a woman appears in the doorway. She's small and thin, her skin weathered and worn, and she plants her hands on her hips. "Isaiah Babineaux," she calls, making Zay spin on his heel. "Introduce me to your girlfriend before I drop dead."

"Gram, don't say that," Zay chastises, but he's smiling. "This is Maya."

Maya approaches slowly, gaging the woman's reaction. "It's nice to meet you."

Gram examines her with narrowed eyes and Maya does her best not to fidget. A beat later, she purses her lips and turns to Zay. "I know I say this every time, but this one really _does_ look like Anna."

Anna must be the girl Zay's grandmother used to love. Maya watches surreptitiously to see Zay's reaction, but he just blinks. "I thought Anna was a brunette."

"Her hair turned blonde in the summer," Gram replies. She eyes Maya's hair like she wants to reach out and touch it, but she doesn't. "I'm not senile, Isaiah. You've got to stop telling your girls that."

 _Your girls_. Maya tries not to blanche at the wording as they follow Gram down the hall and to the living room, where Zay's grandfather is seated in a recliner. "Jack," Gram calls. "Look at Zay's girl and tell me she doesn't look like Anna."

Zay's grandfather stands with a groan, reaching for the cane beside his chair. "You say every girl looks like Anna."

"Well, maybe that's because every girl _does_ ," Gram snips, and Maya smiles at the easy squabbling between them. She watches as Gramps puts his glasses on and squints at her.

"Well I'll be," Gramps says, and Maya smiles, remembering Zay saying the same thing. "This one does look like Anna."

" _This one's_ name is Maya," Zay says pointedly, his hand drifting to Maya's back, "and she's standing right here."

"It's alright," Maya says, smiling at his grandparents. "I think it's sweet."

Mr. Babineaux saves her from having to hear Grams ramble on about Anna by calling them in to the dining room, saying dinner's ready. Maya's pleased to see the table laden with pot roast and couscous, with salad and rolls on the side. She sits between Zay and his father, and her ankle keeps bumping against Zay's.

"Oh, my," His dad says, looking at Maya with a frown. "You're not a vegetarian, are you? I didn't even think to ask."

"No, I love pot roast." She takes a large helping to prove it, and he laughs.

The conversation chatters on, and Maya mostly watches and listens. Gramps teases Zay, and Zay banters right back. His dad talks to him about school and football and his friends, and Maya is just fine until Lucas's name is brought up.

"I haven't seen Lucas around since we got back," Mr. Babineaux says to Zay. "Does he still go to the high school?"

Maya drops her gaze to her now mostly-empty plate, and beside her, Zay nods. "Yeah, he does. I just haven't had a chance to bring him over."

"Maya, you know Lucas, don't you?"

She forces a smile at Zay's father. "I do."

"He was always such a kind boy. You and him used to spend hours playing video games and building forts--"

"Things change," Zay interjects, shrugging casually. "Lucas and I aren't that close anymore."

Maya doesn't want to be obvious about the fact that something's wrong, but she finds herself staring at Zay. She wonders if what he said is true. And if it is, she wonders if it's because of her. If he distanced himself from Lucas _for_ her.

The thought makes her stomach feel strangely warm, and before she can convince herself it's a bad idea, she reaches out beneath the table and takes his hand. Gram catches her eye and gives her a knowing smile across the table, and Maya stares back down at her plate, her cheeks warm.

"You better not break Isaiah's heart," Gram says suddenly, and Maya jerks her hand back, startled. "Anna broke mine. Girls who look like Anna are always heartbreakers."

Maya opens and closes her mouth, unsure of what to say. She can't say she won't break Zay's heart since they're not really dating and this fake relationship will end soon enough. She suddenly wants desperately to never disappoint this woman, but she knows she will.

Zay saves her from having to answer. "Leave her alone, Gram," he says, rolling his eyes. "I can take care of my own heart."

Maya smiles sideways at him, grateful for the save, and he smiles back. The rest of dinner passes easily, and afterwards they all pile into the living room, where Zay's dad turns on this history channel. It's some documentary about Roanoke, and all of the Babineauxs seem to be history buffs, because soon enough they're all enraptured and she and Zay are left to their own devices.

"Do you want to go to my room?" He asks. She gives him an alarmed look, and he laughs. "Lord, Maya, I don't mean for _that_. Just to hang out."

"Sure." They quietly navigate around Gramps' recliner and the couch, careful not to pass in front of the TV. When they're leaving the room, Maya glances over her shoulder and sees Gram looking at her.

"I don't think she likes me," she says to Zay as they walk down the hall. "Gram, I mean."

"Sure she does," he replies easily. "She just needs to warm up to you."

"I won't be around long enough for that, will I?" She flops onto his bed, her words coming out muffled against the sheets. "We have to stop pretending sometime."

"I know, but I'm in it as long as you are." He sits down beside her, the mattress dipping. He waits until she looks up and meets his gaze to say "Whatever you need, I'm there."

He sounds so serious and sure of it, like he would do whatever she asked without question, forever. Maya feels warm and she hides her face back in his pillows, pulling her knees up to her chest. "I can't ask that of you. I've already asked too much."

"Don't be ridiculous." He stretches out next to her on his side, his head nestled on his arm. "You're my friend. I'd do anything for you."

She suddenly wants very badly to kiss him, and she stupidly wishes Lucas or Riley or _someone_ was there so that she'd have an excuse to. But they're alone and they're in his bed and she can't come up with a valid reason, so she settles for leaning forward and pressing her lips to his cheek, hoping he can't hear the rapid beating of her heart.

"You're a great fake boyfriend, Zay Babineaux," she says in his ear. "In fact, you're the best one I've ever had."

He laughs and shoves her lightly so she falls back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. She listens as he shifts around for a moment, getting comfortable. "Well, you're the best fake girlfriend _I've_ ever had." He rolls onto his back beside her, his arms crossed beneath his head. "You'd probably be the best _real_ girlfriend I'd ever had, too."

Maya doesn't know what to say to that, so she doesn't say anything. She counts constellations in the stick-on stars on his ceiling and tries to ignore how close he is to her and how nice his cologne is. She had wished for Lucas or Riley to be here, but now she's glad they're alone. This moment is private and intimate, special in a way she can't put into words, and she relaxes into the feel of his sheets and the sound of his breathing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is shortish because it took me so long to update I'M SORRY but here you go

Maya walks into school on Monday with Zay's arm slung around her shoulders, and people kind of stare.

She doesn't mind. Zay doesn't either. She'd known this would happen sooner or later-- everyone had known she and Lucas were together, and everyone had thought they'd _stay_ together. She doesn't know if the story of how they broke up got out, but she knows that everyone's eyes are on her, and she knows Zay's hand is a comforting weight on her back.

She lets Zay walk her to her first class, and he drops her off with a quick kiss on the lips. "See you at lunch."

"Yeah." Maya smiles. "Bye."

Her first class is English. She doesn't share it with Riley, but she does with Smackle, so she sits down beside her and promptly drops her forehead onto her desk.

"Rough night?" Smackle asks beside her. "Lovers' quarrel?"

Maya peeks out at her friend. "No, nothing like that."

Smackle brushes her hair over her shoulder, the silky strands catching in the light. "Yes, I imagine it would be hard to have a lover's quarrel when you're not really lovers."

Maya makes a vague sound to show she's paying attention, but the words don't actually register until a moment later, and she shoots up in her seat. " _What?_ "

Smackle arches an eyebrow. "I am incredibly intelligent and perceptive, Maya."

"I know," Maya says impatiently. "But you-- we're not-- what?"

"You're not fooling me. You never were."

Maya just stares, her mouth opening and closing. She's suddenly terrified that someone around them will hear, so she jumps up and grabs Smackle's hand, dragging her behind her. "We're going to the bathroom," she tells the teacher, who doesn't even try to stop them.

"But I don't have to go," Smackle whines.

Maya tugs her into the hallway and lets go of her hand, rounding on her. "When did you figure it out?"

"Immediately," Smackle says. "You shouldn't be surprised."

"Well, I am!" Maya immediately feels bad for snapping. It's not Smackle's fault that she's so goddamn smart. "Look, you can't tell anyone."

"I know," Smackle says slowly, like Maya's not hearing her. "That's why I haven't."

"Not even Farkle?"

"Not even Farkle," Smackle swears. "I'll keep your secret, Maya."

"You better," Maya warns, pointing a finger in her face. "If you mess this up for us-- for me-- I won't forgive you."

"I _won't,_ " Smackle promises, sounding somewhat annoyed. "But don't let anyone else figure it out, because they might tell."

Maya fidgets with the hem of her shirt. "I thought we were being careful."

"You are," Smackle says. "At least, I think you are. I only noticed because I'm me."

Maya just stares at her with narrowed eyes for a moment, still kind of reeling. Smackle doesn't fidget under her gaze, just gazes prettily back, and finally Maya rolls her eyes and throws her hands up in exasperation. "What?"

"You're my friend. Zay is, too. So that's why I'm telling you to not hurt him."

Maya gapes. "Smackle, what are you _talking_ about?"

Smackle straightens her glasses. "These things never go well. You know that, right? I'm not talking from personal experience, obviously. I'm talking statistically." She raises her eyebrows. "Someone ends up hurt."

"It's not _real."_

"It doesn't have to be," Smackle says patiently. "It doesn't matter if the relationship is real if the feelings are."

Maya buries her face in her hands in frustration. ''What the fuck are you talking about? There are no feelings! That's the point! He's-- it's-- a means to an end."

Smackle eyes her carefully, jutting out a hip and putting her hand on it. "Well, make sure it stays that way. For both of you. Because the second it turns into something more for either of you--"

"I _get it_ , Smackle," Maya snaps. She doesn't like being lectured on a nonexistent situation, a hypothetical heartbreak. "But frankly, it's none of your business."

Smackle shrugs. "Alright. That's true. I just thought you needed to hear it."

Maya chews the inside of her cheek. "Well, I've heard it. Now if you'll excuse me--" She brushes past Smackle and walks back into the classroom, a scowl on her face. Smackle doesn't know what she's talking about. She doesn't understand the situation. No one but Maya and Zay get it.

And Maya knows this, she does, but a part of her can't shake what Smackle said.

 

* * *

 

Maya's apartment building backs up to an alleyway that leads straight to a convenience store, and she's grown accustomed to walking to it in her PJs and slippers to treat herself to a slurpee or two. She's walking back a couple nights later, mentally going over what assignments she needs to finish (or at least pretend to finish) before school tomorrow, when someone calls out her name.

She stops dead in her tracks, squinting, and curls her fingers around the hot pink switchblade Shawn had gotten her a few years before. "Who is it?"

"It's just me." Lucas steps closer and the light from the one streetlamp slants across his face. He looks sharp and angular with the odd shadows, and Maya takes a tiny, imperceptible step back. "What're you doing?"

"What're _you_ doing?" Maya fires back, watching him with narrowed eyes. "You don't live over here." She watches him carefully, seeing the way he seems almost unsteady just standing still. "Wait, are you _drunk?_ "

Lucas tilts his head back and laughs, the white of his teeth glinting in the light. "Maybe a little."

"You shouldn't be alone in the dark while you're drunk."

"Maybe you should invite me in, then," he says with an arched eyebrow. "And I'm not alone."

The shadows shift behind him and she notices for the first time that he's got friends with him, some nameless jocks from the football team. "Go home, Lucas," she says tiredly, taking another step back. "Bring your boys with you. It's not safe out here."

"Aw, come on, Maya," he drawls, sliding closer to her. His accent thickens when he's drunk, and for a moment he sounds almost like Zay. "Why don't you let me in? Just for one night. For old times' sake."

" _No_ ," she says emphatically. "We're not together anymore."

His hand shoots out surprisingly quick for someone who's wobbly on his own feet, and Maya gasps in surprise. "Then why are you wearing my shirt?" He asks quietly in her ear, his voice hard. She looks down and realizes with a sense of dread that she _is_ wearing his shirt. It's an old t-shirt of a band he used to like, and she must have slept in it once, brought it home to wash and return, and then never given it back. "You don't wear _his_ shirts."

She doesn't like Lucas like this. She's seen Lucas drunk before, but she's never seen him drunk like _this_ \-- angry and reckless and out for blood. "It wouldn't matter if I were wearing your goddamn football jersey," she says, making her voice as low as his own. "It wouldn't change the fact that I am not with you, and I will _never_ be with you again."

One of Lucas's friends whistles, as though she'd just landed the final blow. Lucas's jaw clenches, and he grips her arm tighter, yanking her closer. She yelps this time, tripping over her own feet. "Let go of me!"

"You know what?" He asks, his face close to her own. "I don't want to be with you, either. Why would I? You're a dirty, lying little _slut_ \--"

Maya brings back her elbow and rams it into his sternum. The breath rushes out of him in an _oof_ and his hand falls from her arm, and she takes the opportunity to dodge his friends and start running home. He calls after her, his words angry and slurred, but she just runs faster, her slippered feet slapping against the pavement.

She trips up the stairs on the fire escape, tumbling in through her window with a loud thump. Her mom's still gone at work, and usually it doesn't bother her but tonight it does, and her hands are shaking as she shuts her window and locks it. She fumbles for her phone where it's shoved deep in her pajama pockets, and then she scrolls through her contacts, looking for someone-- _anyone_ \-- to talk to.

Her phone dings with a message from Zay, like a divine intervention, and who is she to say no to those?

"Hey, pretty lady," he greets when he answers, sounding far too awake for three in the morning. "What's up?"

She can hear the way her voice is trembling against the phone, and she knows it's only a matter of time before he notices. "Nothing. Nothing. I just got a slurpee."

"I'd kill for one of those right about now," he says contemplatively, and a beat later, he pauses. "Hey, you alright?"

"No," Maya says, her voice founding high and small. "I ran into Lucas. Drunk."

Zay swears. "Where are you? Do you need me to come get you?"

"No, _I_ wasn't drunk. _He_ was." She swallows. "But I appreciate the offer."

"What all did he say?"

Maya sinks deeper into her sweatshirt, hoping it will somehow swallow her whole. "I don't know. The usual." She knows it's not really true, so a moment later, she adds "He called me a slut."

Zay goes quiet, and for a moment, Maya's horrified he's going to defend Lucas. It'd be understandable-- they're best friends, after all, or at least they used to be-- but she just wants someone on her side. Just one person.

"What an idiot," Zay says after what feels like an eternity. "What a privileged, misogynistic asshole."

"He grabbed me," Maya says faintly, feeling almost as though she's tattling. "My arm. I had to hit him to get away."

"Dear god," Zay breathes, sounding like he doesn't quite believe it. Maya doesn't, either. The Lucas she knows would never lay a hand on her. "Are you okay?"

For some reason, she's surprised he asked. "Yeah, I guess so. Just shaken." She toes off her slippers and climbs into bed, curling up on her side with her phone nestled between her cheek and her pillow. After a long silence, she says "Zay?"

"Yeah?"

She swallows, feeling stupid. "Just wanted to make sure you were still there."

"Yeah, I'm still here." He sounds slightly muffled now, like he'd climbed into bed, too. "I'm here as long as you want me to be."

Maya closes her eyes, feeling her worn pillowcase against her cheek and hearing Zay's breathing in her ear. She still feels sad, but she also feels quiet and safe, as though talking to Zay had calmed her. Maybe it had.

"Maya?"

"Yeah?"

"You still with me?"

Maya nods before remembering he can't see her. "Yeah, I'm still with you."

"Good," he says.

"Good," she echoes.

They fall asleep like that.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mid-length, but a quick update, so hopefully that makes up for it?

Maya wakes up with a crick in her neck where the phone is, and she realizes with a growing sense of horror and humiliation that she'd fallen asleep. On the phone. With _Zay_. She doesn't mention it when they meet up outside the school, and thankfully, neither does he. Smackle's warning still rings in her ears, and even though she's confident that she is most definitely not in love with Isaiah Babineaux, she's self-aware enough to admit that she likes kissing him quite a lot.

"You're awfully quiet," he notes as they walk lazily through the halls, their hands linked and swinging between them. With his free hand, he tugs teasingly on a piece of her hair. "Care to share?"

"Smackle knows," Maya says, not bothering with any context. Zay doesn't _need_ any context. She watches as his eyes go almost comically wide. "She's known since the beginning."

"Well," Zay replies after a long pause, "I guess I shouldn't be surprised. She's damn smart."

"Yeah. She said she wouldn't tell anyone, though."

"Course not," Zay says, dropping her hand to slip his arm around her shoulders instead. "Isadora's no snitch."

Maya can't help but laugh at that, and they continue their journey down the halls, her heart feeling just a bit lighter than before.

 

* * *

 

"Maya," Riley calls from her perch in front of the vanity. She sounds casual, which is how Maya knows that whatever she says next will not be very casual at all. "Have you and Zay done it?"

Maya frowns at Riley's reflection. "Done what?"

Riley gives her a significant look. "You know. _It_."

"Oh." Maya smirks. "You can say  _sex_ , you know. It's not a bad word."

Riley fidgets in embarrassment but doesn't let the subject drop. "Well, have you?"

Maya pretends to be very focused on painting her nails while she scrambles to come up with an answer. She and Zay hadn't discussed this-- they hadn't thought to, since they'd figured it would never come up. But of course Maya should have expected Riley to ask. Riley asks about everything, and Maya tells her about everything. She's not sure how to come up with an answer that would be believable.

But Riley's looking at her expectantly, so Maya shrugs and brushes her hair over her shoulder like it's no big deal. "Duh."

Riley squeals and Maya flinches, sending silent thoughts to Zay: _I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry_.

"Tell me everything," Riley demands as she climbs onto the bed beside Maya, a dreamy look on her face. "Was it romantic?"

"Um." Maya's not sure what this nonexistent hypothetical sex should be like. When she'd been with Lucas, they'd had sex, but she's not sure _romantic_ would be a word she would use to describe any of it. "I guess?"

Riley rolls her eyes. "You take the romance out of everything. I bet it was romantic, and I bet there were candles, and rose petals, and--"

"Okay, no." Maya cuts her off, laughing. "That doesn't happen in real life." At the heartbroken look on Riley's face, she hurriedly adds, "Well, not usually. Unless you're really lucky."

"Was it good?" Riley asks.

Maya doesn't even have to think about her answer this time. "Yes." She's positive sex with Zay would be good, if their make out session had been anything to go by. And it's not like she's thought about having sex with him-- except for now she is, and she's not sure how she feels about it. She hopes Riley just thinks she's blushing in embarrassment.

"How long did it last?" Riley asks, her eyes wide. "Where did you do it? What kind of sex was it? Did--"

"Whoa, whoa." Maya's reeling a bit, all of the questions making her head spin. She contributes her lightheadedness to the rapid-fire questioning and not to the way she's imagining Zay's mouth doing sinful things to her body. Nope. Not at all. "A little privacy?"

Riley pouts. "You told me everything about your first time with Lucas!'

Now it's Maya's turn to shift uncomfortably. "Well, that was different."

"Why?"

Agitated, Maya runs her hand through her hair, probably smearing it with polish. "Because-- it just was. We were both half in love with Lucas when it happened. Don't deny it," she warns, seeing Riley open her mouth to protest. "With Zay, it's not like that. It's just me and him, the way it should be." She looks down at her lap, examining her nails, feeling almost shy. "I want to keep it that way."

Riley grabs her hand. "I'm really sorry, Maya. About the whole Lucas thing. If I was the reason you--"

"You weren't," Maya says gently, squeezing her hand. " _Lucas_ was the reason we broke up. And also because we just weren't meant to be, and it was time, and yadda yadda yadda." She flops onto her back, silently thanking any and all gods that they'd moved on from the topic of sex. "All we do now is talk about boys."

"They're fun to talk about." Riley crawls up alongside her, nestling against her side. "I like boys."

Maya cracks a grin. "I know you do, Honey."

"Speaking of boys," Riley says, sitting up and blowing hair out of her face, "Charlie's having a party tomorrow."

"No," Maya says.

"Yes," Riley insists. "Come on, Maya. You used to _love_ Charlie's parties."

"Well, that's because Charlie's parties used to be fun."

"They still can be! Just bring Zay instead of Lucas."

Riley's face is so hopeful and earnest that Maya knows she won't be able to say no. She rolls onto her side, away from Riley, and sighs. "Fine. But I'll have to ask Zay."

Riley rolls her eyes. "Obviously he'll say yes. He's your boyfriend, so he has to."

Maya stays quiet, feeling guilt settle in her chest. That's another thing she and Zay hadn't discussed: their boyfriend/ girlfriend obligations. He had gone to prom with her and she'd met his family, but nothing had come up since then. She feels terrible making Zay do all these things with her and spending all his time with her. It's her fault he got roped into this lie, anyway.

"We'll see," Maya says finally.

 

* * *

 

 

Maya backs up against the row of lockers, pulling Zay in by his belt loops. "What are you doing tonight?"

He settles his hands on her hips, his eyebrows shooting up his forehead. "You, hopefully."

Maya forces a loud laugh and pretends she doesn't go weak in the knees at that. Lucas's jaw clenches a few lockers down, and a moment later he's slamming his locker shut and stalking off. Zay's hands fall from her waist and she lets go of him, letting them put more space between them.

"That was smooth," Maya says. It's a stupid thing to say, but she's still trying not to blush. "Good job."

Zay lifts a shoulder in a shrug. "Not to brag, but I'm pretty good at flirting."

Maya rolls her eyes. "For real, Casanova, what're you doing tonight?"

"Wallowing in overdue homework and self-loathing. Wanna join?"

"I have a far better offer," Maya promises, and his eyes light up.

 

 

The Gardners' flat is large and modern, and as they take the elevator up to it, Maya wonders what Charlie's parents do for a living. She's wedged between Riley and Zay, both of their hands clutched in hers. She hopes desperately that the hand holding Zay's isn't sweaty. She knows they'll have to put on a show tonight. It's a party, after all, and everyone they know will be there, and they'll have to do the whole drunken-couple thing where they kiss and grope on every available surface they can find.

Maya doesn't mind that part.

She thinks maybe Zay doesn't mind either when they get to the right floor and he pulls her tight against him before entering the throng of people.

The music is loud and pulsating, throbbing in her ears, and Zay has to lean close to her for her to hear. "You want a drink?"

She hesitates. Usually she'd say yes, but with all the... _interesting_ thoughts she's been having about Zay lately, she's afraid to let her guard down. "No, I'm good."

Zay shrugs. "Suit yourself."

He darts off into the crowd and Maya sighs, leaning into Riley's side. Already her feet are starting to ache in her heels, and the air already smells like a rank mixture of liquor and sweat.

Riley leans back, her temple against Maya's. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah."

Riley digs her fingers into Maya's side. "I know when you're lying, silly."

Maya squeals, squirming away before Riley can tickle her some more. "I'm just... tired."

Riley arches an eyebrow. "Right."

Maya turns away before Riley can push it any further and tries to get lost in the music. This is a show. This is a performance. Her whole goddamn life has turned into an elaborate play--

Riley sidles up behind her, arms in the air, laughter in her voice. "Dance with me!"

Maya can't say no. She can never say no to Riley, but especially not tonight, when she looks so free and happy. So Maya sways her hips and tosses her hair even though she doesn't really want to. She dances like the song that's playing is her favorite song in the world and the people around her are all her best friends. And eventually, Zay comes back, although Maya doesn't notice at first because her eyes are closed.

"Hey," he breathes against her ear, and she's about to shove him away before she realizes it's him. She turns to face him and he smiles, his eyes a little unfocused. "I'm back."

"I can see that," she says, smiling back. "How much did you drink?"

"Not too much," he says. She thinks she believes him. He's not stumbling or slurring, but he seems pleasantly buzzed, just enough to make things interesting. "You like this song?"

She tilts her head, straining to listen. It's not a song she's heard before, but after listening for a few seconds, she nods. "Yep."

"Me too. I love Arctic Monkeys." He holds out his hand, palm up. "Wanna dance?"

Maya glances back at Riley to make sure it's okay, but she's wedged between Charlie and Missy, laughing her ass off. She looks back at Zay, and at his outstretched hand, and decides to embrace the girl she's supposed to be tonight-- drunk and high and half in love. She takes his hand.

He pulls her close without warning, his hand warm and sweaty on her back. Her dress has a cutout, so his hand is on her bare skin, and it makes her shiver. She tosses her arms up high above their heads, swaying her hips, and it doesn't even bother her when Zay's knees knock into her own and his breath tickles the skin on her neck.

She's only ever danced with Lucas and Riley, but those times were nothing like this. There's something suggestive about how low Zay's hands sit on her body, and they're close enough that their chests are crushed together, partly because of the crowd and partly because they'd moved in on purpose. The song is loud and wild and the lyrics are vulgar, dripping promises of committing sins in the dark.

His mouth bumps against her jaw when he drops his head forward, moving to the music, and Maya's skin burns red-hot. She grips the hem of his shirt, balling the fabric in her fists, and pulls him impossibly closer, their legs getting tangled. She tells herself that she'd dance like this with any of her friends-- with Riley, or Farkle, or even Smackle-- but she's moving her hips in a way that feels thrilling and unfamiliar, and she knows she's lying to herself when she sees Zay's mouth drop open at the sensation of her hips against his.

_My body wants his body._

_It doesn't mean anything_ , she swears, tipping her head back so he can ghost his lips over her neck. _It's a show. It's a show. It's all for a show._

But then he presses his lips down onto her skin, the kiss bruising and bright, and she stops thinking of excuses. She stops thinking of anything at all.

She pulls him flush against her at the same time he tangles his fingers through her hair, and then they're kissing, dirty and messy and desperate. One of his legs is between both of hers, and it's too much-- it's all too much-- and she feels too warm and his hands are running all over her body and there is something deliberate and certain in this kiss. This kiss is _real_. She can't play off the sound she makes when he bites her lip as just pretending, and his hands are leeching into dangerous territory, something that's _definitely_ not allowed in the rules.

"Maya," he breathes against her mouth, his breath hot. She realizes in a daze that she'd ripped open the top few buttons on his shirt, and she feels her face burn. Zay looks at her with hooded eyes, his mouth parted. "What are--"

"Let's go," she says all of a sudden, tugging on his hand. "Let's get out of here. I want-- I want--"

She wants a _lot_ , she wants _everything_ , and she's about to tell him this when she sees the look on his face. It's confused and almost concerned, like he thinks she's lost her mind. "You want what, Maya?"

She fumbles with the next button on his shirt, her fingers shaking with adrenaline. "I want you. Us. _This_."

His hands cover her own, making her go still, and Zay takes a step back. It makes her feel suddenly exposed, her dress hiked up high on her thighs, the strap on her shoulder shoved halfway down. Zay's eyes are wide, his eyebrows furrowed, and he says "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about _this_!" She gestures wildly between them. "This." She touches a hand to her mouth. " _This_." Her fingers graze the bruise on her neck, and she sees him swallow.

"It's not anything," he says, his voice almost drowned out by the music. "This isn't anything."

She knows, logically, that he's right. But she also knows that he'd just set her skin on fire with his hands and unraveled her with his lips, and she can't pretend that's nothing. That's _not_ nothing.

"Okay," she says finally, taking a step back from him. Her strap falls further down her shoulder, and Zay's eyes immediately go to it. "You're right."

"Maya--"

He reaches out for her, his shirt still messed up and his lips still swollen, but she's already disappeared into the crowd.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> turns out i really like writing angst??

Zay's hands are beneath her shirt.

It's dark in her room, and chilly, the window still open from when he'd snuck in. Her sheets are kicked down at the foot of her bed, but she's kept warm by Zay's body above hers, pressing her into the mattress. His hands skim over her breasts and she gasps, her bottom lip caught between his teeth. "Zay," she breathes, her body writhing beneath his. "I want--"

"Shh." He gives her a soft, chaste kiss to quiet her, and then moves his lips to her neck. "Don't wanna wake your mom."

She knows he's right, so she bites down on her lip to keep from crying out when he slides his hand beneath her underwear. He presses kisses to her collarbone, her breasts, and then lower and lower, his fingers hooking in the waistband of her underwear to pull it down...

She wakes up, sweaty and alone in her room, with a throbbing between her legs. Her window is closed. Zay's not here.

She presses a shaking hand to her forehead, feeling suddenly like she's going to throw up. This wasn't supposed to happen. This _can't_ happen.

"Damn it, Smackle," she whispers. Then she rolls over and lets herself cry.

 

* * *

 

She sleeps fitfully for the rest of the night and leaves the house before her mother is even awake. She wants to get through this day without having to talk to Zay any more than necessary, something she knows will be hard since they're supposed to be dating. But she learned how to evade and avoid at a very young age, and they're the two skills she's perfected the most.

Zay's not at their meet-up spot outside the school, meaning she can't feed him some excuse for why she's going to be dodging him all day. She waits for a good fifteen minutes, shivering-- she _really_ has to get some new jeans that don't have holes in them-- until the ten minute bell rings and she gives up.

"Have you seen Zay?" She asks Riley at lunch at the same time Riley says "Where's Zay?"

Maya blinks. "He's--" She cuts herself off. She can't say she doesn't know, because what kind of girlfriend doesn't know where her boyfriend's gone missing to? Her head spins, trying to come up with a reasonable answer while Riley looks at her expectantly.

Smackle swoops in and saves the day. "He's sick," she says, sliding into the spot next to Maya. "He asked me to get his physics homework for him.

"Oh," Riley says, nodding like it's completely believable. The weirdest part is it _is_. She starts doing work in her history textbook-- three weeks ahead, no doubt-- and Maya takes the opportunity to grip Smackle's sleeve and tug her closer.

"Is he sick?" She whispers, not even trying to mask the concern in her voice. "For real?"

Smackle shrugs. "I don't know. But statistically, it's the most likely lie he'd come up with."

Maya stares at her. "How the _hell_ do you know so much about our situation?"

"I read," Smackle deadpans. "Lots of YA fiction."

Farkle arrives then, drawing Smackle's attention to him, and Maya pulls out her phone, her hands hovering over the keyboard on her and Zay's conversation. She wants to text and ask him where he is and if he's okay, but that doesn't really fit in with her whole avoid-him-at-all-costs plan.

She must hesitate too long, because a second later Lucas is there, leaning over her shoulder. "Where's your other half?"

"Sick," Maya mutters. She doesn't want to look at him. She remembers the way he'd grabbed her in the alleyway.

 "Too bad," Lucas says. "Hope it's not mono."

Maya glares at him over her shoulder. He looks terrible, with bags under his eyes and his hair messed up. She doesn't know what all he's gotten into. She's not sure she _wants_ to know. "I'm sure he'll be back soon," she says. There's enough confidence in her voice that she almost believes it, but of course she has no idea. She just hopes it's convincing enough for Lucas.

He stalks off and she goes back to staring anxiously at her phone. The last text she'd gotten from him had been the 100 emoji several times, in response to a picture of her and Riley. Her heart aches, and she types _You okay?_

Her thumb hovers over the send button, but she chickens out, deleting all the letters. If he wanted to talk to her, he would be.

She's suddenly angry-- angry at him, angry at herself, angry at their situation. She'd tried to block the party from her memory, but it'd been impossible. She can't forget the way his body had felt against hers or the sensation of his fingers in her hair. And if she's being honest, it's not just the party she's angry about. It's all of it. All the flirting, all the hand-holding, all the laying in bed together when there was no one there to see. Most of all, it's the kissing-- in her bed, in the school hallway, everywhere-- and how much she enjoys it. She shouldn't enjoy kissing her friend that much, and she's angry with herself for feeling that way.

She's angry at Zay, too, because Zay didn't stop her when she ran away from him at the party. Zay isn't trying to talk to her about it now and smooth everything over. Zay didn't keep up the act once everyone went away.

That's the real problem, she knows. Not that she's angry or embarrassed or humiliated, but that she likes Zay-- likes him the same way she'd liked Lucas. Maybe even more.

She knows she likes him. She's known for a while, she thinks, somewhere in the hidden corners of her heart, but hasn't been able to own up to it until now. And she's not sure _why_ she's coming to terms with it now. Maybe it's because he's not here and she misses him so hard it hurts, or maybe it's because at the party she'd gotten a taste of what she can't have. Whatever the reason, her feelings are getting dug up, and there's nothing she can do about it but look them in the face.

She feels suddenly sick, and she stands without warning, jostling into Smackle's shoulder. Her friend looks up at her, her brows creased. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Maya says. Her voice sounds thin and sad. "You were right. With all your statistics."

Smackle touches her arm, trying to offer comfort, but Maya doesn't want it. She'd gotten herself into this mess, and now she's going to get herself out.

 

* * *

 

If Mr. Babineaux is surprised to see her on his doorstep, he doesn't say so. In fact, he beams when he sees her, throwing his arms out for a hug. "Maya! It's so good to see you."

She smiles weakly. "You too, sir. Is Zay home?"

"He is." Mr. Babineaux steps aside so Maya can enter. "He's been asleep most of the day, I think."

"Oh." She's not sure what else to say to that. Certainly he can't be that tired from Friday's party. "Well, I'll wake him up."

Mr. Babineaux laughs. "That would probably do him good."

As Maya walks down the hall, she's hit with a growing sense of dread. She'd come here on impulse, with no actual plan in mind, and she's not sure what exactly will happen when she sees him again. She doesn't know yet if she'll come clean or not. And if she does, she has no idea how he'll react.

His door is closed when she reaches it, and she lifts a hand to knock, the sound tentative and unsure. "Zay?" She presses her ear to the door, listening for any sign of his presence. "It's me. Can I come in?"

He doesn't respond for a long while, and she's about to knock again when the door opens. Zay's wearing nothing but boxers and a plain white t-shirt, and Maya wills her eyes to stay on his face and not dip to his chest. "Hi," she says, her voice soft.

"Hey." He doesn't step aside to let her in, and she pretends it doesn't hurt. "What're you doing here?"

Maya shrugs. "You weren't at school, and you're my friend, and I was worried about you."

He looks at her for a long beat. She can't read his face, and for a moment she's terrified he's going to close the door and shut her out, but then he opens it wider and steps aside, letting her in. His room looks messier than it had the other time she'd seen it, his sheets rucked up and his desk piled high with books and sketches. He moves towards the desk and half-heartedly starts shifting the stacks around. "Sorry. I wasn't expecting company."

"No, it's okay." She begins to move to his bed to sit on it, but then she feels weird about it, so she opts to stand instead. "I didn't give you a heads up." He nods once, the move jerky and stiff, and Maya feels her patience fading away. "What the hell is going on?" She asks, stepping closer to him. "Why is _this_ \--" she gestures between them, "like this?"

He runs his hand over his hair, turning away from her. She can see the tension etched in his back. "Are we doing this right now?"

"I guess so!" She's already riled up, but her hands are shaking and she's afraid of what's going to happen.

He spins to face her, his expression pained. "What were you doing at the party?" His voice is much softer than she'd expected. "Why were-- why were you doing that?"

She swallows, trying to slow her erratic heartbeat. She'd planned on coming clean, but now she's terrified and wants to cling to the lie for dear life. "I don't know what you're talking about."

He laughs, short and humorlessly. "Bullshit."

"Since you know everything, _you_ tell me what happened Friday night, okay?" She's trembling, trying to hold it together. "Tell me what you think happened."

"I think we were pretending," he says levelly, "and then I think we weren't."

Maya chews on her lip, trying to come up with something to say. But there's nothing. Now that the chance is there to tell him how she feels, she can't make herself say it.

Zay continues, "I think-- I think the lines are getting blurred between what's allowed and what's not." He looks down at his hands. "What's _real_ and what's not."

Maya's heart beats faster. "You do?" She tries to keep the desperate hope out of her voice, but it sounds breathy nonetheless.

"You don't?" He returns. "We-- we kiss all the time, even when people aren't watching, and sometimes it doesn't feel like we're pretending." He clears his throat. "Doesn't feel like _you're_ pretending."

Maya steps back. "I don't-- what are--"

"Did something change?" He asks carefully, watching her face. "Between us, I mean? Because you've been acting different, and I can't seem to figure out why."

"Yes," she blurts before she can change her mind. "Yes, something changed. I-- _I_ changed."

"Do you not want to pretend anymore?"

"I don't," she says, like a sigh of relief. But at the hurt look on his face, she hurriedly adds, "I mean I-- I don't want to pretend anymore because I want it to be _real_."

The second she says it, she wishes she could take it back. Not because she regrets getting her feelings off her chest-- she'll never regret that-- but because of Zay's reaction. His forehead creases, like he doesn't quite understand what she's saying, but then his eyes widen and he takes a tiny step back. "You don't mean that," he says, his voice low. "Surely you don't mean that."

"No, I do!" Maya's not shaking now. "I meant what I said and I know what I feel." Zay runs his hand over his mouth and turns half away from her. She grips at his shirtsleeve. "This isn't some trick or me projecting onto you. This is _real_."

He won't look at her, and she _needs_ him to look at her, so she settles her hand on his cheek. His eyes shut at the contact. "Zay, look at me," she says softly, half an order, half a plea. He opens his eyes and obliges, and her hand slides down his neck to his shoulder. "At first I thought I just liked kissing you. And I _do_ like kissing you, believe me. But I can't pretend that's all it is anymore." He looks terrified, and she doesn't know what to make of that. "I have... feelings for you. Not just physical ones. And it's getting harder and harder to pretend I don't, and harder and harder to just be your fake girlfriend, and--"

She's cut off suddenly by the welcome press of his lips onto hers, his hands sliding into her hair. She makes a surprised noise before kissing back, letting herself be backed against the wall, her hands gripping his hips. She feels lost and lightheaded, anchored only by the tug of his hands in her hair and his searing kiss, and she pushes up onto her tiptoes, trying to get closer, wanting to give as good as she gets. Every line of his body is pressed up against hers, and for once, finally, she doesn't feel like everything is one-sided. He has control of this kiss-- tugging her closer, pinning her arms to the wall, parting her lips with his tongue-- and Maya thinks she might break. She's wanted this so badly for so long and now she's getting it and it's better than she ever could have imagined.

He still has her pinned to the wall by his body, but she manages to reach down and hook her fingers in the waistband of his boxers and start to slowly inch downwards. He jerks against her suddenly, as though she startled him, and breaks the kiss. Maya takes a minute to adjust, her head spinning. "What's wrong?"

He touches his mouth with his fingers, and Maya watches the movement. "This isn't..." He shakes his head. "We shouldn't. We can't."

Maya's heart sinks into her toes, and she deflates against the wall. "Why not?"

He looks pained. "You're not over Lucas." She starts to protest, and he raises a hand to cut her off. "You haven't had enough time to heal. And honestly, Lucas is still... he's still important to me, and I wouldn't feel right doing this." He looks at his feet. "Not like this."

Maya thinks she can feel her heart breaking. "But you-- you just kissed me!" Her voice is quivering, and she hates it. "What was that all about, then?"

"I shouldn't have done it," he says levelly. "I got carried away."

Maya's lip trembles, and she shoves at his shoulders. He barely stumbles back. "Screw you," she says, her voice quiet and sharp. She yanks away from him and straightens her shirt, picking up her bag with unsteady hands. "Screw. You."

"Maya, don't leave like this," Zay begs, but he doesn't try to stop her, and that tells her all she needs to know.


End file.
